Questions & Answers

Q: Are you as anti-God and anti-Bible as your first essays seem to indicate?

A: I am not at all against God, nor the Bible, though it may appear that way to those who hold the fundamentalist perspective. It's just that I view God and the Bible differently than I did before. I now see the Bible as divinely inspired, but not the "inerrant Word of God." My experience with the human weaknesses of modern "spokespersons" for God tells me that the writers and editors of the Bible were similarly flawed. Man tends to "create God in his own image." To believe in the absolute authority of the Bible, one must (consciously or unconsciously) ignore and/or explain away many contradictions and problematic issues. While I believe that no collection of writings can match the wisdom and truth contained in the Bible, I believe it also contains corrupted and ungodly philosophies of men, like slavery, the subjugation of women, and religious imperialism that must be rejected. Glean the good and leave the bad. This change in my view of the Bible has altered my view of God, as well. I no longer accept men's teachings that claim a divine mandate for such evils as war, genocide and homophobia. On the latter point, I believe that God is love, and honors love and commitment between all individuals, in any form, despite man's prejudices and phobias.

Q: Why do you feel the need to come out so publicly as gay?

A: Straight people do not need to talk about their sexual orientation because it is the cultural default. Everyone takes for granted that heterosexuality is the unspoken norm. Straight individuals never think twice about mentioning a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband in conversation, nor about displaying affection in public. However, society exerts tremendous pressure on gay and lesbian people to hide and even deny their sexuality. When homosexuals mention a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, they are accused of "flaunting" their sexuality. Public displays of affection are considered shameful and "in your face." This subtle double standard gets exponentially worse where religion is involved. Hiding is a position of weakness. Only open, visible gay people can fight for their right to exist and enjoy equal rights and freedoms. I believe that if all closeted homosexual people came out, society would be forced to see the truth that we are all the same, and that love is love whether it's between opposite-sex couples or same-sex couples.

Q: Are you trying to pull people out of the church?

A: That is not my purpose. I started writing to help my family and friends understand the significant changes occurring in my life and worldview. I find it's also therapeutic for me to express myself, after living in the figurative closet for all of these years. I'm cool with people of faith holding onto their beliefs, as long as those beliefs don't attempt to enslave them or others. In a perfect world, all people would stand up with courage and take responsibility for their beliefs and lives and not settle for being spoon-fed by religious leaders by default. I do hope that, more than my words, my life can encourage those suffering under religious intolerance.

Q: Do you feel bad about the pain your decisions are causing friends and family?

A: It is certainly difficult to see the pain and embarrassment (shame) that those around me are experiencing with my decisions to leave my church and come out and live as an openly gay man. However, I tend to view these as consequences of the religious culture I've left, not as harm that I have inflicted by my choices. My evangelical friends and family must feel they have little choice but to consider me backslid and headed for hell, which has to hurt. They might also feel betrayed by me, who once aspired to live as an exemplar evangelical Christian leader. I'm sure many grapple with guilt, wondering what they might have done differently to save me from this "ruin." My new doctrinal stand might also be seen as an assault on their own foundational beliefs. And of course, some are now ashamed to be associated with me. These are indeed all tremendous disincentives for closeted Christians to come out. I sincerely regret the costs others are paying because of their love for me. Yet, I do not regret for a moment my choice to live authentically and free! Every human deserves this! I hope that in time, my loved ones will be able to work through these issues and come to better understand and respect my decisions.

Q: So where do you currently stand with God?

A: I've mentioned that I am taking a break from religion for now. This does not mean that I'm taking a break from God. I still pray. I am still reading and searching. I still want to honor and please Him. My guiding principles right now are courage, honesty, and honor. As I pursue these, I trust that God understands me and my journey better than anyone else. However, I'm much less certain that I understand Him. Much as my loved ones are trying to understand these new revelations about me, I am likewise trying to realign my understanding of who God is, in light of my new thinking about the Bible. You might say we're working on a new relationship! I believe He is patiently guiding me to a better life of wholeness and health, and I am not anxious about all the do's and don'ts I left behind with my former belief system. I am grateful for a number of new friendships with gay Christians and have asked one of them to become my mentor. I will continue to seek God's guidance as I seek "a reasonable path" to walk.

Q: Now that you're in the gay community, have you encountered the issues behind so many negative stereotypes?

A: Sure. There are problems in the gay community, just as there are many in the straight community. However, I have determined not to bring a judgmental attitude with me from my fundamentalist upbringing. I keep reminding myself that "different" does not equal "evil." (I think that that popular but misguided philosophy is rooted in religious arrogance and blind false-certainty.) My concerns with some aspects of gay culture only give me purpose to help bring positive change to bolster our standing and understanding within the larger community. I have found many of the stereotypes I was raised with to be inaccurate and unrepresentative. For example, despite what many think, male gay life is not just about sex. I see a sincere, widespread pursuit of love and commitment across much of the community. It is unfortunate that many in the straight world want to deny gay couples the benefits that society awards to straight couples for their love and commitment. I hope to do my part to facilitate health within and justice for the gay community as it continues to mature.