"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."
James Oppenheim
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sources of Happiness
Yesterday, I was talking with a friend about the question, "What makes you happy?" Growing up, I remember hearing talk about the difference between "happiness" and "joy." The former being a fleeting emotion, and the latter a lasting result of good living. I'm not sure whether that's splitting hairs with semantics, but for the purpose of this discussion, I'll consider the two words to be synonymous.
Here's what I think makes me happy (or gives me joy)...
1. Doing the right things with excellence.
2. Connecting with people.
3. Connecting with nature.
4. Creating.
I believe that happiness is a basic human experience that all should be entitled to. I've read and heard experiences from folks who have visited third world countries where they found that the children seemed to be much happier than many kids they knew in America, despite all our abundance! That is the kind of happiness that I seek! The kind that lasts, regardless of what life's circumstances may bring!
Of course, there are other sources of happiness that are more transient. Things like: health, wealth, beauty, status, comfort and security. Let's call these the "Shallow Six." Unfortunately, many of us, for one reason or another -- or sometimes a host of reasons all at the same time -- do not enjoy the luxuries of the Shallow Six. Our health fails, or our beauty fades, or we lose the security of a job or home. And if our happiness is rooted in those things, we could be in for one mighty unhappy journey! Sadly, many people may enjoy four or five of the Shallow Six, but because they focus on the single one (like wealth) that they do not have, they remain unhappy. How sad!
So, back to what I look to for happiness...
Doing the right things with excellence. I firmly believe that we are happiest when we (1) have thought through and captured the principles by which we will choose to live our lives, and (2) seek to follow those principles. Too many people don't think enough. Our media-crazed culture bombards us with so many ideas and messages, that we can literally stumble through life simply following the crowd. In order to live a life of significance (an important goal of mine), I think it is important to identify principles, natural laws, and "truths" that we believe are proven foundation stones on which we can build an effective and fulfilled life. Then, we must maintain a focus to follow them. For example, I believe in the Golden Rule as one of my life principles: "Do to others as you would have them do to you." Therefore, if I cut someone off and commandeer a parking space at the mall, I ultimately rob myself of joy. In not living my principles, I disrespect myself, and in the process am less happy.
I am currently reviewing and updating my Life Principles; a ritual I have been following for many years. I keep a copy of these in the front of my day planner to be reviewed on a regular basis. This way, I can remember precisely how to live each day to maximize my happiness! Choosing the best, most reasonable path day by day. That gives me deep, satisfying joy!
I also mention the words "with excellence" above. I am happiest when I know I've done my best. Whether at work, at school, in relationships, with projects, or whatever. I value excellence, and am happiest when I strive for it. So I want to do the things that I consider to be right and best, and do them to the best of my ability. That is a substantial source of happiness for me.
Connecting with people. This is my favorite! I love and value people! I have lived much of my life closeted in my former religious culture, but now I'm out, proud, open and soooo happy! Sharing a meal with a friend, listening to someone "vent" their frustration and empathizing with them, being kind to a stranger, sending a card, discussing challenging topics vigorously, enjoying a hug or a simple smile, or passionate physical intimacy in a safe, honoring relationship. Interacting with people makes me happy! Especially now that I am living openly and authentically! I find that my relationships are now deeper, more meaningful, and more satisfying than ever before. Coming out has truly been a gift to myself, and one of the best decisions I've ever made! I wish all gay/lesbian people the courage and grace to come out and enjoy the happiness that exists in the light of revelation!
Connecting with nature. There's something satisfying about experiencing nature that nothing else can replace. I'm happiest when I'm outside, preferably in the sunshine! Summer, fall, winter or spring. I love them all, and the natural world around me gives me joy!
Creating. It's in my nature to create! And I'm happy when I have the opportunity to exercise my creative skills. Writing essays (this post is making me happy, right now!) or poetry, drawing a picture, writing a new song, or playing an old familiar tune on the piano in a creative way. I feel most alive when I get the opportunity to express my creative self!
One thing that I have not mentioned so far is an idea that used to be a primary focus of mine: Fulfilling my God-given purpose. Since leaving my life-long faith and home church earlier this year, my belief in and understanding of God has been in flux. And still is. The notion of a God-ordained purpose is tied to and dependent upon faith, and is therefore currently under reconsideration. I think that having a purpose to focus one's life around can certainly bring a powerful effectiveness. As I work through resolution of my spiritual and religious beliefs, I may come to add "Fulfilling my life purpose" to the list of things that make me happy. I'm just not certain about it right now.
So my philosophy for happiness is to focus on those sources that are lasting, worthwhile and within my control. I don't mind enjoying the more tentative happiness that comes from health, wealth, beauty, status, comfort and security, to the extent that I experience them. However, I will hold the Shallow Six -- and the happiness that they bring -- with an open hand, realizing that the winds of life could whisk them away at any time.
So what makes you happy?
Here's what I think makes me happy (or gives me joy)...
1. Doing the right things with excellence.
2. Connecting with people.
3. Connecting with nature.
4. Creating.
I believe that happiness is a basic human experience that all should be entitled to. I've read and heard experiences from folks who have visited third world countries where they found that the children seemed to be much happier than many kids they knew in America, despite all our abundance! That is the kind of happiness that I seek! The kind that lasts, regardless of what life's circumstances may bring!
Of course, there are other sources of happiness that are more transient. Things like: health, wealth, beauty, status, comfort and security. Let's call these the "Shallow Six." Unfortunately, many of us, for one reason or another -- or sometimes a host of reasons all at the same time -- do not enjoy the luxuries of the Shallow Six. Our health fails, or our beauty fades, or we lose the security of a job or home. And if our happiness is rooted in those things, we could be in for one mighty unhappy journey! Sadly, many people may enjoy four or five of the Shallow Six, but because they focus on the single one (like wealth) that they do not have, they remain unhappy. How sad!
So, back to what I look to for happiness...
Doing the right things with excellence. I firmly believe that we are happiest when we (1) have thought through and captured the principles by which we will choose to live our lives, and (2) seek to follow those principles. Too many people don't think enough. Our media-crazed culture bombards us with so many ideas and messages, that we can literally stumble through life simply following the crowd. In order to live a life of significance (an important goal of mine), I think it is important to identify principles, natural laws, and "truths" that we believe are proven foundation stones on which we can build an effective and fulfilled life. Then, we must maintain a focus to follow them. For example, I believe in the Golden Rule as one of my life principles: "Do to others as you would have them do to you." Therefore, if I cut someone off and commandeer a parking space at the mall, I ultimately rob myself of joy. In not living my principles, I disrespect myself, and in the process am less happy.
I am currently reviewing and updating my Life Principles; a ritual I have been following for many years. I keep a copy of these in the front of my day planner to be reviewed on a regular basis. This way, I can remember precisely how to live each day to maximize my happiness! Choosing the best, most reasonable path day by day. That gives me deep, satisfying joy!
I also mention the words "with excellence" above. I am happiest when I know I've done my best. Whether at work, at school, in relationships, with projects, or whatever. I value excellence, and am happiest when I strive for it. So I want to do the things that I consider to be right and best, and do them to the best of my ability. That is a substantial source of happiness for me.
Connecting with people. This is my favorite! I love and value people! I have lived much of my life closeted in my former religious culture, but now I'm out, proud, open and soooo happy! Sharing a meal with a friend, listening to someone "vent" their frustration and empathizing with them, being kind to a stranger, sending a card, discussing challenging topics vigorously, enjoying a hug or a simple smile, or passionate physical intimacy in a safe, honoring relationship. Interacting with people makes me happy! Especially now that I am living openly and authentically! I find that my relationships are now deeper, more meaningful, and more satisfying than ever before. Coming out has truly been a gift to myself, and one of the best decisions I've ever made! I wish all gay/lesbian people the courage and grace to come out and enjoy the happiness that exists in the light of revelation!
Connecting with nature. There's something satisfying about experiencing nature that nothing else can replace. I'm happiest when I'm outside, preferably in the sunshine! Summer, fall, winter or spring. I love them all, and the natural world around me gives me joy!
Creating. It's in my nature to create! And I'm happy when I have the opportunity to exercise my creative skills. Writing essays (this post is making me happy, right now!) or poetry, drawing a picture, writing a new song, or playing an old familiar tune on the piano in a creative way. I feel most alive when I get the opportunity to express my creative self!
One thing that I have not mentioned so far is an idea that used to be a primary focus of mine: Fulfilling my God-given purpose. Since leaving my life-long faith and home church earlier this year, my belief in and understanding of God has been in flux. And still is. The notion of a God-ordained purpose is tied to and dependent upon faith, and is therefore currently under reconsideration. I think that having a purpose to focus one's life around can certainly bring a powerful effectiveness. As I work through resolution of my spiritual and religious beliefs, I may come to add "Fulfilling my life purpose" to the list of things that make me happy. I'm just not certain about it right now.
So my philosophy for happiness is to focus on those sources that are lasting, worthwhile and within my control. I don't mind enjoying the more tentative happiness that comes from health, wealth, beauty, status, comfort and security, to the extent that I experience them. However, I will hold the Shallow Six -- and the happiness that they bring -- with an open hand, realizing that the winds of life could whisk them away at any time.
So what makes you happy?
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